Top Reasons to Continue Living

The offices of NFFHC have been closed for the last week due to a federal investigation surrounding our vending machines. In the meantime, please enjoy this little tidbit from our reject pile to tide you over.

  1. The Price is Right
  2. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors
  3. The power of Christ compels you.
  4. Spite
  5. Alcohol
  6. Klondike bars
  7. Turns out mom and dad do understand.
  8. Just joined the cult to get laid.
  9. Grandma’s old-fashioned homemade apple pie. Mmmm. Mmmm. Mmm.
  10. It’s called responsibility!
  11. High as fuck on life.
  12. Foes still unvanquished.
  13. Have you seen what Obamacare and this president’s radical socialist agenda has done to let’s say the price of ammo?
  14. Still 10 oz short of beating Schweiderman Steakhouse’s 96 oz Challenge.
  15. Money.
  16. Wendy’s super value menu. No seriously. Eating until I hurt is the only think I have to live for right now.
  17. Because I believe in you, kid.
  18. Sex.
  19. Drugs.
  20. The Wise and Mighty Zoroaster.
  21. Rock ‘n’ Roll.
  22. My children, I guess.
  23. Ain’t no one gonna get my gold.
  24. Turns out the answer was inside you all along.
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